The Caucus- 2/07/08

“I wish I’d had a locker like that,” I said as we crossed through the big heavy metal doors and walked into Mann Middle School. The lockers were tall, wide and purple, my favorite color. Our son walked in the middle of my husband and I, grasping my right and my husband’s left as we looked for our precinct location. We were early, but I couldn’t bear to sit and flip between CNN, FOXNEWS and MSNBC all night while simultaneously looking at election returns online.

We negotiated with our son as we walked through the schools maze to find our caucus location. We knew it was later than he was used to being out, and he was going to have to cooperate but would be rewarded with games, snacks and a juice box. We don’t get out often; it is just easier to be home most of the time.

We made it through the maze of the 1950’s style one level school. The speckled tiles squeaked under our feet as we gazed around corners and classrooms with confusion. Finally, we found the school office. It was busy with administration collating joyfully at 6:20 in the evening. They told us that the democrats were meeting in the cafeteria and pointed us in that direction.

We walked through the cold, outdoor courtyard towards the cafeteria where “Clinton” and “Obama” posters were proudly displayed on the outside windows. I told my husband that I worried that some wouldn’t be able to find the location, but he responded that we were able to find it so they would, too.

We went through the doors and into the cafeteria and were immediately surrounded by the feeling of the warm air. The smell of lunch and stale mop water lingered in the room. We were greeted by a smiling young goateed man who told us he was on the Obama side and introduced himself to us. He told my husband he looked familiar and they determined that they went to UCCS together but were unable to determine what class they shared. We walked around a half occupied table and sat on the empty bench.

It was just as I remembered from Middle School- a nicer version of a picnic table. Hand painted on wood and surrounding us were pictures that had types of food like “fruit” and “pizza.” A beautiful older woman with flowing, shoulder length silver hair smiled at us and started talking to me about her excitement about Obama. “I haven’t been so excited since I voted for John F. Kennedy,” she said. She tried to talk to my son but received no response. He is almost 7 and non-verbal. I could have explained it to her, but there are times when I just don’t feel like talking about autism. She must have had some idea, because she didn’t continue to question him as others sometimes do. She passed us a roll of stickers that said, “Obama,” if we wanted one. We applied them to our jackets and waited patiently.

We watched as others flowed through the door and found their side. A dramatic majority saw our Obama stickers and came to sit on our side of the room. An organizer walked through the room and separated us into precincts. We walked to our precinct and were greeted by a cute, short, Oompa-Loompa like woman who directed us to look through a packet and find our names to sign in. She had a handout with rules, but explained that she only made 14 as only 7 showed up to caucus in 2000. I didn’t live here in 2000, I thought.

We took the rules back to the bench. My hands shook as I read the agenda and rules. For some reason elections make me very nervous and excited. This was my first caucus and although I read about the procedures online it was difficult to conceptualize what would actually happen. The temperature was rising as the room filled with enthusiasm.

A woman with long, black and lightly dreadlocked hair smiled at me and said, “I am so excited!.” “Me too-I bet this is how some people feel about the Superbowl,” I said. She grabbed my hands and showed me her jacket, which was for a NFL team and laughed. She seemed very familiar and we connected immediately. I know I’ve seen her around but couldn’t determine from where.

We took a seat and I gave Xander a piece of gum. “Please be patient,” I pleaded. “I don’t know how much fun this would be for any child his age, but it is our responsibility to be here.”

It was seven o’clock, and caucus was called to order.

Xander in glasses

Xan became fascinated with our glasses so I found him an old pair of mine- and he's been running around looking through them for a few days! Who would have thought? He has had his eyes checked, but we'll do so again soon just in case, since he seems to like them. It must be fun just to see the world in a different way for him...and for once, Chad and I don't have to hear "You're so blind" when someone else tries our glasses on!

Xander swimming

My inner child is strong.

I love toys!

Route 66

A few weeks ago we took a drive to Albuquerque on part of historical Route 66. I would love to do the entire Chicago to LA drive some day! We came back on part of the old route and saw lots of burned out cars, abandoned houses, etc. I should have taken pics but often have that problem...when I'm "in the moment" it takes something away at times to be a photographer. We enjoyed New Mexico and hit Trader Joe's when we were there! We found out that we will never have Joe's in Colorado due to our archaic liquor laws (alcohol about 3.2 isn't sold in grocery stores here.)

Xander's State Capitol Pic

This picture is going to be posted at the Capitol along with the other thousands of developmentally disabled people in Colorado that are currently waitlisted for services. Colorado is currently 49th in funding for disabilities... but it will make leaving here in a few years easy as almost every state does a better job. The Resource Exchange, our Community Centered Board, along with Easter Seals and ARC are really working hard to spread awareness and make changes to help families.

Rainy Day Fun

We had a week or so of rainy days, and we all started to go a little crazy inside. Here is a pic of Chad and Xander having fun with the scooter in the hallway.

More babies!

This is our second little nest of baby birds this summer. They are so adorable. It is tough to get a good pictures since they are in a tiny nest above one of our lights ...I have to stand on a table and hover the camera over them.

We love the Drive-In

In the summer we go to the drive-in in Pueblo as often as we can. It is an opportunity to see current movies without the theatre experience, which we know won't work at this time with Xander. During the year, we just wait for movies to come out of DVD.

When we tell people about going a lot of them are surprised that there are still Drive-Ins in existence. There are actually 10 in Colorado. You can see a list at http://www.carload.com/.

Xander has a great time, jumping around the back of the car, eating snacks, and people watching- but unfortunately, the movies never start until about 9:30pm and he usually falls asleep right before or shortly after the movie starts.

We KNEW "Spiderman" was a chump!

This picture is from Defamer.com.
Chad and I knew! This guy.... this is the same guy Xander hugged a few weeks ago!

The sign says: "Free Paris from the cruel and unusual punishment...most people get community service and alcohol classes."

Aren't there people more worthy of Spidey's attention?

When did Spiderman become a media whore? Mr "make sure you get my foot in the shot," Walk of Fame Spiderman. Spiderman used to fight for the innocent- for truth and justice, and now he gets a few bucks a pop in Hollywood taking pictures with little kids and fighting for a millionaire (actress?model?...uhh....). What an outrage!

How am I going to explain this to my son, who (apparently) thinks that Spiderman is a super cool guy? This is devastating to small children and 30+ year olds who live in their parent's basement everywhere.

As for Paris- It is annoying. She got off even easier than that- after the DUI she was given a suspended license, 36 months of probation, and told to attend an alcohol education program. (No community service!)

She kept driving and didn't take the classes! In January, she was pulled over and busted for driving with a suspended license, and she signed a document at that time acknowledging that her license was suspended (another pass if you ask me!) In February she was busted AGAIN for driving with a suspended license when she was caught going 70 in a 35 and driving at night without her headlights on.

She didn't even enroll in her court-ordered alcohol education classes!

But- WAH! She is being treated 'unfairly' "Walk o' Fame Spidey"? Oh Please......

She shows up to her court appearance--- LATE! Claimed she didn't know that her license was suspended (even though she signed documentation saying she did.) Her mom made a spectacle of herself in the courtroom by bursting into laughter during the city attorney's closing arguments, and when the judge ruled against Paris she asked for his autograph (she should have been thrown in for contempt as far as I'm concerned.)

So Paris did nothing she was asked by the court. She was given 2 "get out of jail free" cards and screwed up both times. Being late for court and taking no responsibility for her actions, she did get a harsh sentence. As she should have! Paris had an attitude that she didn't have to follow the rules- that she could buy her way out. Her mother's complete disregard for the court shows the kind of parenting that Paris had.

I've had close friends get DUI's. They did everything the court said, and they were very sorry for their actions. It cost them hundreds of dollars to take the court-appointed classes and they had to get rides or find other transportation....they followed the terms of the court because they didn't want to go to jail! It is much more difficult for the "typical" citizen to follow these terms than it would have been for Paris- most people aren't heirs to a hotel fortune and don't have drivers at their disposal.

I'm not a Paris hater and I don't get a sick amount of pleasure by watching her "suffer" as others do....but I am glad to see her treated as anyone else THAT 1. got a DUI, 2. Violated her probation twice, 3. Didn't attend her classes, 4. Was late to court and and didn't take any responsibility for her actions- and even claimed she didn't know her license was suspended!

Her sentence would seem severe if only looking at the original DUI charge, but she is in jail for the probation violations, and those who are not remorseful DO get stiffer sentences. (that's what she said...)

Is this really the person that "Spidey" should be worried about? What a chump. His costume is pretty lame, too.

Summer Vacation - Day Six

We went back to Disneyland to ride Space Mountain and the Monorail again at 9 when Disneyland opened- then we went to Disney's California Adventure. We didn't think we'd spend much time there based on the amount of rides, so we decided to do an experiment and not get Xander the wheelchair. More of the popular rides have a Fast Pass, where you go by the ride earlier and get a ticket to come back an hour or so later and go in a smaller line. We ran to the Tower of Terror first, only to find that they weren't issuing Fast Passes. We found this several times- I wish they would just always issue the passes! We only waited for about 20 minutes, which wasn't bad. Besides that, the lines were really short for all the attractions! We were able to get Fast Passes for "Soarin' over California," which was Xander's very favorite ride! It was amazing- hard to describe, but you really feel as if you are flying over California. Grizzly River Run was really fun, and we were in a raft with a very cool family.

The lowlight of this was the meltdown at lunch. Disney's California Adventure has a place called "Burger Invasion." Xan and I went to get a table when Chad stood in line to get our food. Xander lost it when others came and sat by us with their food. He doesn't understand that all food doesn't belong to him and threw a complete fit. He acquired a new bad habit a month or so ago...spitting! It's horrible, we've tried ignoring it, we've tried "time outs" and he just doesn't get how disgusting it is. Anyway, Xander spit RIGHT IN MY FACE when I had to hold him back from rushing some family's table to steal their fries. A little girl (probably around 11) stood staring at us with her jaw absolutely dropped. I was so frustrated that I told her to "Take a Picture!" LOL! I know it must have been shocking for the girl and I feel bad in retrospect, but we all have our limits.

We had all had enough that day, so we went shopping for Mickey ears and then back to the hotel to swim again. We wanted salad and ordered one to share (Xan was happy with leftover pizza)and some dessert for room service. It was our last night!

Summer Vacation- Day Five

Day Five- Disneyland!
We heard that Disney accommodates those with special needs- which was a major influence in taking this trip.

People with autism become impatient and don't like to have their personal space invaded. Disneyland does recognize autism and understands that these kids need a little special treatment so they can enjoy the park, also. We had long heard about the Guest Assistance Card that Disney would issue.

When I called Disneyland it seemed like getting the Guest Assistance Card would be kind of a pain. We wanted to get on rides as early as possible to avoid lines, etc. The woman at Guest Services suggested renting a wheel chair, and seemed to understand the needs of an autistic child to not be crowded, and he's a bit big for a stroller. Chad and I decided we would rent the wheelchair (and then Chad wouldn't have to carry Xander everywhere- because he doesn't like to walk) and if we had problems with the lines we would go to get the Guest Assistance Card later in the day.

We never needed the card! There are special queues for Wheel Chairs with smaller wait times. Our son was treated so well and had a blast! It was also cool because at some of the queues we saw some other kids with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), which was comforting. So often we aren't able to do the things that "typical" families can do, and this is a rare instance where we are honored and needs are recognized.

Xander couldn't stand "It's a Small World," and I don't blame him. It's long and slow. He doesn't care about the story driven rides at all- Xander loved Space Mountain and Thunder Mountain, and any ride that was FAST! We actually rode Space Mountain twice the first day. We're going to have to take this kid to Six Flags or somewhere with big coasters in a few years. He loved the Churro's!

We had a great time but didn't overdo it. We averaged 3 rides an hour and were back to the hotel swimming by 3pm. We had dinner delivered= pizza, salad and spaghetti from a local pizza place. We finished Running with Scissors, which was very good and makes me want to check out more of Augusten Burrough's writing. He had a very interesting childhood, with an author mother who was obsessed with Psychiatry and gave her shrink custody of him. The acting was absolutely incredible.

Summer Vacation- Day Four

Day three was long, so we took it easy on Day Four. We left our hotel and drove to Garden Grove, California- a suburb of Anaheim. We settled into the Embassy Suites Anaheim- South. This was a beautiful hotel, and we were on the 9th floor. The rooms were huge and beautiful! Xander absolutely loved looking out the huge window at the world (which made us really nervous! I know that the windows might be secure but having fallen through a "secure" window years ago I'm paranoid.)

This place is on the more pricey side, but worth it. Parking is still free, but internet access is $10.00 per day.

The lobby and atrium was beautiful, with a jungle theme including Koi ponds and a lion that "roared."

The morning breakfast was incredible (as it has been in every Embassy Suites we've been to.) Made-to-order omelettes, fresh fruit, cereal, pastries, and Xander's favorite- BACON. There is also a Disneyland stand in the lobby where I bought our tickets for the next couple of days. Ouch! $350+ for 2 adults and one child...but he's only a kid once, right?

The best part of this hotel was the pool and hot tub. Since everyone must have been at Disney, we had it to ourselves and really relaxed for the rest of the day (except for a trip to Target for supplies and an early lunch at Ruby's Diner.) We ordered room service for dinner....I LOVE room service, and it was reasonably priced.

After Xander went to bed we got "Running With Scissors" on Pay-Per-View, based on the memoir by Augusten Burroughs. We only made it half way through and were able to pause for up to 24 hours.

Summer Vacation- Day Three Pt. 3

(This is part of a continuing series about our vacation- to be continued!)

Next we went to Star Wars Celebration IV, which was marking the 30th anniversary of the saga. We had been planning on taking a trip to California with Xander to visit Disneyland, and this was additional incentive. Realistically, we knew that with a 6-year-old on with ASD we wouldn't get to do much, but we'd get to be there!
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This is a picture of the screen from the only "presentation" we attended at the convention- a discussion of the new Star Wars themed "Robot Chicken" with Seth Green (far left.) I really wanted to go to this, but an hour or so prior we saw a huge, long line to get in. There were glass doors in front of the room and a few minutes after the presentation was supposed to start, we ran down so we could at least see Seth Green through the window. When we got there we noticed many empty seats, the show hadn't really started and we got a nice position in the back. Xander has a really hard time not being the center of attention and yelled a few times, but candy helped! We saw several people with small children leave shortly after the presentation started and I was pretty impressed we made it through. Yeah Xander!
















Xander licks a Wampa! I wouldn't recommend this!

Summer Vacation - Day Three Pt. 2

Next we went to the Walk of Fame and Grauman's Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard. We always wake up very early, and the trip to "The Office" didn't take long so we had no problem getting parking very close.

Obligatory R2-D2 and C3PO foot and handprints- we are on our way to Celebration IV!
















Xander started getting Groucho.





















Gotta love this guy, especially his music!
















We had no idea that Xander would have this reaction to "Spider Man."

Summer Vacation - Day Three Pt. 1

Seeing the "Boston Legal" studios made me think- where is "The Office" filmed? This is our favorite show. After doing some internet research, I came up with an approximate address of the studio where interior and exterior scenes are shot. The show seems to be very descreet about the location, which I can understand- if they are filming a scene in the parking lot they don't exactly want a bunch of people staring in the gates (they are on hiatus, so we felt fine with it!)
Anyway, we found it!


Sign for Scranton Business Park, Dunder Mifflin and Vance Refrigeration.
















Good shot of parking lot. The cars are there! Identify the character's cars, they are here!
















Studio/Office Shot- can't you just see Pam standing there with the timer? I wonder how long it takes to remove the sign (or do you think they do it digitally?)
















This is the sign on the gate next door (another part of the studio.) Too funny!

Summer Vacation - Day Two

We drove to Pierce Bros Westwood Memorial Park to see the final resting spaces of stars including Marilyn Monroe, Frank Zappa, Donna Reed, Dean Martin, Natalie Wood, Roy Orbison, Carroll O'Connor, Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau, Don Knotts, Dominique Dunne, Heather O'Rourke, Mel Torme, George C. Scott, Eva Gabor and Truman Capote.


When we got to Marilyn Monroe's grave there was this really creepy guy with his hands on it, trying to "channel" or something. Pretty disturbing. Seeing-Stars.com had a great map of the park and since it was early, only us and the creepy guy were there. We walked through and since we were already in Westwood we decided to do some exploring. We drove down Sunset Blvd (later to find out that we just drove by the scene of Lindsay Lohan's "accident" that happened only a few hours earlier," and Beverly Hills. We realized fast that we had NO sense of direction and got disoriented. We need a compass, especially when Google Map's directions start with "turn south." Without the westward mountains, Chad and I are hopeless! We went from Beverly Hills to Compton and all points in between. It was a definite education- the poverty of LA is often unseen. There were streets that were completely filled with trash, a site I have never seen before. We went from multi-million dollar mansions to shacks and old motor homes turned into homes. I can understand why people leave California for more affordable housing. We ate at Rally's, a fast food burger place. It was awesome. When Chad and I were in Florida for our Honeymoon 10 years ago we loved a place called "Checkers"- and we found out that Rally's was basically the same thing. For dinner, we checked out another local grocery store called Bristol Farms. Another incredible store! It was like Whole Foods, but had some "normal" foods as well. We picked up a Pastis we hadn't tried and some Tortillas, a rotisserie chicken, lettuce, cheese, sour cream, salsa and some chips for dinner. It was wonderful and lunch for day 3 as well.

As we left we noticed a studio right by our hotel. Chad thought they probably filmed "porn" there- but when I came back to the room to look up "Raleigh's Manhattan Beach Studios," I found that they film one of our favorite shows, "Boston Legal," there! It was so exciting...no studio tours or anything, but fun to think that the show is filmed down the alley from our hotel. We were also just a few blocks from the Bed Bath and Beyond that was filmed in the movie, "Click," with Adam Sandler.

Our Summer Vacation- Day One!

This year we did something really crazy- we decided to take Xander on a real vacation! Here is a synopsis of our trip.

Day 1: Xander loves escalators and moving sidewalks so the airport was a winner. He looked at the airplanes, and when we got on he was thrilled, especially when we started to "take off." The pressure of the forces against his body must have been comforting, and tickle a little because he just kept giggling and jabbering.

So, maybe Xander enjoyed it TOO much. Lately, when Xander is really happy he yells really loud. It's very sudden, loud and screetching- what everyone wants to hear on a flight, right? He thinks it is hilarious, and after years of him barely making a peep, it is really hard for us to fight with him about it....but believe me, we did. We covered his mouth, etc- until I remembered the commercial "Chewy stops the chatter..." and gave him a snack. We could tell that it was irritating those around us, but no one said anything. I wish they would. I do. That way I could explain to them that Xander is 6-years-old and doesn't speak, and this is how he is expressing himself but we are working on it, and then explain Autism a bit to them. I CAN understand it being disturbing to others. So, sorry to those on Flight 69 that day!
The snack worked, and then he fell asleep- some peace for everyone! Then again, there were several babies on the flight that cried out, and that never bothers me at all. After years of being judged I am a very tolerant person when it comes to children and I understand that sometimes they just have a mind of their own, regardless of how good parents are!
Xander's true joy on the flight was a highlight for us, as was the fact that United shows episodes of "The Office!"
By the time we took the shuttle and got the rental car, we were all exhausted so it was off to settle in. The Springhill Suites LAX, Manhattan Beach was a great value. We only stay in hotels that are "Suites" because Xander needs his own space, and having a fridge and microwave is always helpful with a child. Our favorites are Embassy Suites, but after doing a comparison, the Springhill had free parking and internet access and was also about $40.00 less per night. The room was clean and nice, but did not have a divider or door between the "living area" and bedroom, making it more of a studio. The "kitchenette" area was too close to the desk, making it difficult to open the fridge when one of us was on the computer. The pool area was nice and very busy at all hours. The best part of this hotel was definitely the bed...the bed was incredible, awesome bed, sheets and lots of down pillows.
After settling in, we needed supplies. Juice boxes, snacks, etc... so we decided to check out the neighborhood. Nearby was an INCREDIBLE store that I loved called "Trader Joes." I went crazy immediately after walking in....Strawberries for $2.12 a pound? That was just the beginning. A great California White Zin for $2.99 a bottle? Incredible, healthy foods at really low prices. It is a small store where you could do all of your grocery shopping, but you can definitely get the basics. If you want to check them out go to www.traderjoes.com
We drove around Manhattan Beach and to the beach itself, which was beautiful. Xander was obsessed only with throwing the sand, nailing me early on. It had already been a long day.
Xander was being very behavioral, and after the stressful plane trip, Chad and I were really wondering what we were thinking logically when we planned the trip.
After a swim and ordering pizza online from Papa Johns online, and a bottle of wine (for Chad and I only!) we all slept well!

Fun with Project Playlist!

This is so cool, easy and fun! You can make your own playlist, and they have MOST songs (although they didn't have Wham! Rap, darn it!) Here is mine.
http://www.pplaylist.com/user/6660116

I can't seem to get it to post in here (although it posts on Myspace easily.)

Over a year!

I can't believe I haven't posted in over a year. I've neglected this due to Myspace. Yes, I have a Myspace account...honestly, I really like it.
Here I am: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=5744031

I only allow my friends to see my account, so you'll have to set up an account. I will post here more often, though. I will be adding in posts from the past year that I didn't publish here.

I can't believe I was a Nornna fan. It is such a long story. Let's just say, that sometimes you see more than there is.....you think there is depth and there isn't. We were friends and my life was crazy.

I went back to school. I love it so far, and it's been good. After 5 years at my job it has been a nice change. Chad is graduating next month and Xander is about to finish kindergarden. Wow.... see you soon.

My Autism Story

Life with Autism from the Pikes Peak News

When my son, Xander, was 15-months-old, my husband and I noticed that he didn’t “have” words yet. On occasion he would stand isolated and say his ABCs and 123s, but never at our request. When we’d try to interact with him or encourage him, he would stop using his voice. As a baby, he didn’t babble or gesture by pointing or waving.

We went to our pediatrician, who wanted to take a “wait and see” approach until his next appointment at 18 months. Unfortunately, our pediatrician died before our next appointment.

After the unexpected death of our pediatrician, his practice was left in limbo. A substitute doctor was taking appointments, and we went in for our appointment as scheduled. We expressed our concerns about Xander’s lack of verbal ability. The doctor told us that he was concerned at what he had seen; we were the problem as parents as we “indulged” him too much. We left the appointment feeling horrible, but knowing deep down that we were not the problem.

It wasn’t just the doctors, everyone had an opinion. Relatives who we rarely saw gave us articles about how some parents don’t engage their child correctly, and how to do so, which was ridiculous. One relative even said that the reason our son didn’t talk was because my husband and I talk too much. It was a very lonely time for my husband and me. Was this our fault? I think it was easier for people to place blame than to accept that something could be wrong with Xander.

A friend of mine referred me to Child Find, which is part of the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) act that requires states to identify, locate, and evaluate all children with disabilities, ages birth to 21, who are in need of early intervention or special education services. A representative from Child Find came to our home and observed Xander. It was obvious that she was concerned although she stopped short of calling it autism. I knew that something was really wrong from her demeanor.

We avoided the idea that Xander could have autism. We did constant searches on the Internet to try to find out why our son was not talking. His ability to hear was questioned, but there were many indicators that Xander could hear. He disliked loud noises like the vacuum cleaner, but would never respond to his name.

We were referred to The Resource Exchange (TRE) in Colorado Springs for services. We were also told that Xander qualified to enter pre-school at 3-years-old. TRE provided speech therapy. When Xander turned 3, we cried when we put our son, with no self-help or language skills, on a school bus.

We had further complications. When Xander was 6-months-old we had the terrorist attacks of 9/11. The subsequent stock market crash had caused the business where my husband worked to close. We both got new jobs, I worked all day and my husband worked all night. We had no medical insurance and few providers would take cash payment, which we were happy to pay.

My husband and I were so distraught with worry about what was wrong with our son. We looked at apraxia of speech or dyspraxia, a neurological speech disorder in that affects the ability to sequence and say sounds, syllables, and words. We had his hearing tested several times. We were able to make payment arrangements with a neurologist who gave our son, Xander, an electroencephalogram (EEG), a test to detect problems in the electrical activity of the brain.

All tests were negative.

As much as we didn’t want to accept it, autism was the only disorder that seemed to fit Xander. It wasn’t that he just couldn’t talk, Xander was also lacking eye contact and expressions (he didn’t point at objects or wave.)

We were desperate. It really felt like torture for my husband and I, not knowing what was wrong. We were told we could get help through Medicaid and Social Security Disability Insurance if we could just get him a diagnosis. When Xander was three-and-a-half we were lucky to get a therapist who recommended a clinical psychologist that worked out a payment plan for his evaluation and diagnosis. Xander was diagnosed with autism.

After 2 years the diagnosis was a relief. We finally knew what was wrong so we could begin even more therapy. We started more therapy and dietary interventions such as the GFCF diet. Initially we went through a period of trying to “fix” him. There are so many stories implying that autism can be cured, if we just worked hard enough.

My husband went back to college, and we took out student loans to help supplement our income and pay for therapy.

The average lifetime cost of caring for an autistic person can be as high as $3.5 million, so we knew we needed to get into more financially secure fields of employment. My son was going to a child development center when not in school, but after a year, they called us in and told us that they didn’t have the funding for him to come any longer.

He needed one-on-one attention that they could not provide. Some of his symptoms include not being potty trained, poor eating habits, not being able to sit still for long periods of time, climbing and dare-devil tactics. He was also hard to contain in a classroom and would try to escape. Xander is very smart and could easily get around most typical child proofing. We understood, but now what would we do?

I had the incorrect impression that as part of paying taxes, we were helping people in situations like ours. When we applied for SSI and Medicaid, we were shocked. This was in no way automatic; you had to have a very low income to qualify. If we did, we wouldn’t be able to afford our very reasonable mortgage. We couldn’t afford health insurance (at more than half of my income,) but made too much for these programs.

I worked all day, and my husband worked all night and went to school during the day. My husband was already only getting a few hours of sleep each day. I spoke to my employer and was fortunate that they let me cut my hours. We would not need to pay for the development center and would qualify for a small amount of SSI and Medicaid. The Medicaid was more valuable than anything because Xander would have free medical care.

There are problems with SSI and Medicaid. We can only have up to $3,000 in assets and our life insurance policies were scrutinized. We are discouraged from ever getting a raise or saving money, or we’ll owe. We are better off living in poverty under this system, and the “reward” we will receive when we better ourselves by getting an education will be a complete loss of Xander’s Medicaid medical benefits, and then paying for insurance that likely won’t cover any of his therapy needs.

Occasionally we receive letters saying we have been overpaid and owe money to SSI. The last statement was going back to a period 2 years ago. We send in records of income every month, and then we have to go through the trouble of sending everything in again. A majority of the time SSI is wrong, a few of the times they have even ended up paying us! Whenever this happens I live in fear for my son and for other people with disabilities that have to navigate the system on their own.

Xander just turned 6. He is adorable, sweet, very affectionate, and he is making progress. He loves bubbles, balloons, playing in boxes, dancing, swimming, and jumping on the trampoline. He has a full-time aide in kindergarten and loves school. He is still non-verbal, but recently got a Facilitated Communication Device, a computer with pictures and letters he can press to make words. He is not potty trained and still has poor eating habits, but he is showing progress in all areas. We celebrate every little victory, and we are fortunate in a way in that we only have one child so it’s been “normal” for us. Thank goodness they grow gradually (you aren’t handed a 6-year-old with autism.)

Xander is fairly flexible and has a great disposition, but very much has his times where even grocery shopping is impossible. Autistic children look normal, so when he has a meltdown (explosive tantrum that can’t be consoled,) people look at it as bad parenting. This forces us to separate often with one of us staying home with him while the other does errands.

Autism is very difficult for families. Everyone has a different opinion, and some can’t see past the disability. Xander gets overwhelmed in loud family situations, and we often end up separating so one of us can get quality time with people while the other entertains Xander.

The divorce rate for parents of autistic children is projected to be between 75 and 90 percent. Stress isn’t easy in any relationship, but we are fortunate that we are best friends, and this has only strengthened our relationship. There are times when it is really difficult, though- we are both under a lot of stress and there is little time to focus on each another.

My husband is about to graduate from college, and I just returned. We both live in fear of anything happening to either of us. There is currently a crisis in supplemental services for families of those with disabilities. If the system doesn’t change, there is a possibility that we will be elderly caregivers, which is frightening. We hope things change especially for our son. He deserves a chance.

My Uncle Dan's Obituary

Daniel L. McLellan (click to see his obituary.) RIP

80s Pop Explosion

80s Pop Explosion


My mother recently brought me some big containers full of stuff I put in the crawl space at at my parents house before I moved out for college...

They were like time capsules.....one with my Cabbage Patch Dolls (a female astronaut, a world traveler girl from spain, and a boy that I got when getting any "Cabbage" was impossible, with parents going to throws for that last dolls. There were also stuffed animals from miscellaneous relatives and ex-boyfriends.

The other was full of my Space Camp memorabilia, my toy space shuttles and old teen magazines. Teen Beat, Bop, you name it- most without covers and disected for the posters inside. Also, my Corey Haim shrine- well, not really a shrine, but hundreds of pictures I had cut out and collected from the miscellaneous teen magazines that lay before me. They were displayed on one wall of my room. Before I took them down I took a picture and I still have that picture in a photo album. Everything in that container was covered in mildew- do you know why? When Coke changed their formula in 1985, I decided to save a can of the old formula in the original can (believing at the time that the old formula was forever lost, and this would be a relic someday). Apparently, there was an 80's pop explosion- an empty can remains!

It is too cool to look at that old stuff, even though it smells horribly! Too bad me and Nic buried the Garbage Pail Kids in the back yard........

Montage of Troy and Melissa Meissner's Wedding

I made this photo montage of Troy and Melissa's wedding in Fort Collins.

The song is "Montage" from the Team America, World Police Soundtrack.

Imagine (by John Lennon) Video by Bowiechick

I'M A NORNNA FAN

You are going to think I'm crazy, but I can't help it- I started watching her videos a few weeks back on youtube.com. She video tapes everything she does- including eating and powdering her feet. The more you watch her the more you really like her- she is such a real person. Here is my favorite Nornna video so far.


You can see Nornna at http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=Nornna

Update: Nornna's account got suspended because she made a video of herself in the bathtub. I would look up her new account, but don't want anyone to get tangled in her messed up little world.

The evolution of chicken products and the Cola Wars.

Kids today would not believe us, but when were were kids there were not chicken nuggets! Chicken McNugget's weren't released by McDonald's until 1984, so I were 9 years old at the time. Once they were released they were very popular and usually served with honey. We wonder what advances in "chicken processing technology" made these products so widely available so suddenly. Before this time if had chicken it was whole, legs, or the breast was on the bone. I don't remember any boneless chicken breasts although I'm sure they were around but probably just too expensive.
I often wonder what it's like to be a child born in the 90's- do they think this stuff was around forever?
Somehow this discussion with Chad turned to the Cola Wars---- the fact that there really was this big media war over Coke and Pepsi. If our civilization ends and its ancient ruins are discovered by explorers, will they really think that the Cola Wars were real?

Mimes are people, too.

This morning we saw a commercial on TBS. It was a mime in a box and a mime outside a box pretending to be in a box. The question, which is funnier?
I say, give mimes a break. At least they don't talk- and they really are the least threatening of clowns.
When did it come so socially acceptable to bash mimes? Why do we do that? We're just prejudiced and don't think about it. Are they really that annoying? How often has any of us really encountered an annoying mime (reminds me of Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie?) Have we been brainwashed by movies and popular culture to dislike mimes?
Anyway, I pick the mime pretending to be in a box, instead of the one actually in the box. The mime in the box looked really sad.

http://www.tbshumorstudy.com

Bad Publicity is Still Publicity.

Surfing around Yahoo! News I came across a story titled " • Listen to Kevin Federline's first single 'PopoZao'". I had to click. A few months ago, I had the pleasure of hearing Mr. Fed's first single, "Ya'll Ain't Ready."
There is something to be said for anything that makes you laugh so hard. There was no sense of rhythm and the lyrics were horrible, making it even more hysterical. The song got into my head, but I hated it. I would recite the lyrics to Chad causing him to laugh, but an annoying laugh.
What is it with this guy? I really can't stand him. I'm not really a (post-K'Fed marriage) Britney fan, either.
I always think that it's a little mean of me to dislike him so much, but I think most of it is because of him leaving his pregnant girlfriend for Britney Spears. I wonder if he'll be famous because so many people dislike him? I mean, this guy is still getting coverage although he clearly has no musical talent what-so-ever. Will people's annoyance with K'Fed propel him to stardom?
He reminds me of a few kids I went to school with- everyone disliked them, but yet they were almost popular. Bad publicity is still publicity, and people like me need to stop clicking on the links and giving them incentive to release their crappy music. My media player wasn't compatible, anyway.

Bush is so HILARIOUS! Article: It was a heckuva phrase...

It was a heckuva phrase..

Fri Dec 30, 2005 9:06 AM ET

By Arthur Spiegelman

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Call it the wrong phrase at the wrong time but "Brownie, you're doing a heckuva job" was named on Thursday as U.S. President George W. Bush's most memorable phrase of 2005.

The ill-timed praise of a now disgraced agency head became a national punch line for countless jokes and pointed comments about the administration's handling of the Hurricane Katrina disaster and added to the president's reputation for verbal gaffes and clumsy turns of phrase.

Paul JJ Payack, president of Global Language Monitor, a nonprofit group that monitors language use, says Bush's statement in support of the then-director of the Federal Emergency Management Agency may be remembered for years to come.

"The 'Brownie' quote leads our 2005 list of Bushisms -- memorable phrases or new words coined by the president," Payack said, adding that Bush may be the foremost White House creator of new words, citing such past efforts as "misunderestimate" (to seriously underestimate) and "embetter" (to make emotionally better).

Ten days after Bush verbally patted Michael Brown on the back before the TV cameras, Brown resigned amid a public uproar over his qualifications and the administration's failure to get aid to New Orleans after the devastation of Hurricane Katrina.

Although the president did not originate any new words this year, he had several notable statements, Payack said, citing the following:

-- "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda," Bush said in explaining his communications strategy last May.

-- "I think I may need a bathroom break. Is this possible?" Bush asked in a note to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a U.N. Security Council meeting in September.

-- "This notion that the United States is getting ready to attack Iran is simply ridiculous. And having said that, all options are on the table," Bush said in Brussels last February.

-- "In terms of timetables, as quickly as possible - whatever that means," the president said of his timeframe for passing Social Security legislation in March.

-- "Those who enter the country illegally violate the law," Bush said in describing illegal immigrants in Tucson, Arizona, last month.

Global Language Monitor uses an algorithm to track words and phrases in print, electronic media and the Internet. The words and phrases are tracked in relation to their frequency, contextual usage and appearance in global media outlets.

© Reuters 2005. All Rights Reserved.

Xander!

Old Grandma Hardcore

This is an awesome link about a 69 year old grandma that has an online blog- she plays video games for up to 10 hours each day!
http://oghc.blogspot.com/

So Cheney REALLY HAS been the guy in charge!

This is from the Financial Times (incredible!)

‘Cheney cabal hijacked US foreign policy’
By Edward Alden in Washington
Published: October 20 2005 00:00 | Last updated: October 20 2005 00:19

Vice-President Dick Cheney and a handful of others had hijacked the government's foreign policy apparatus, deciding in secret to carry out policies that had left the US weaker and more isolated in the world, the top aide to former Secretary of State Colin Powell claimed on Wednesday.

In a scathing attack on the record of President George W. Bush, Colonel Lawrence Wilkerson, chief of staff to Mr Powell until last January, said: “What I saw was a cabal between the vice-president of the United States, Richard Cheney, and the secretary of defense, Donald Rumsfeld, on critical issues that made decisions that the bureaucracy did not know were being made.

“Now it is paying the consequences of making those decisions in secret, but far more telling to me is America is paying the consequences.”

Mr Wilkerson said such secret decision-making was responsible for mistakes such as the long refusal to engage with North Korea or to back European efforts on Iran.

It also resulted in bitter battles in the administration among those excluded from the decisions.

“If you're not prepared to stop the feuding elements in the bureaucracy as they carry out your decisions, you are courting disaster. And I would say that we have courted disaster in Iraq, in North Korea, in Iran.”

The comments, made at the New America Foundation, a Washington think-tank, were the harshest attack on the administration by a former senior official since criticisms by Richard Clarke, former White House terrorism czar, and Paul O'Neill, former Treasury secretary, early last year.

Mr Wilkerson said his decision to go public had led to a personal falling out with Mr Powell, whom he served for 16 years at the Pentagon and the State Department.

“He's not happy with my speaking out because, and I admire this in him, he is the world's most loyal soldier."

Among his other charges:

■ The detainee abuse at Abu Ghraib and elsewhere was “a concrete example” of the decision-making problem, with the president and other top officials in effect giving the green light to soldiers to abuse detainees. “You don't have this kind of pervasive attitude out there unless you've condoned it.”

■ Condoleezza Rice, the former national security adviser and now secretary of state, was “part of the problem”. Instead of ensuring that Mr Bush received the best possible advice, “she would side with the president to build her intimacy with the president”.

■ The military, particularly the army and marine corps, is overstretched and demoralised. Officers, Mr Wilkerson claimed, “start voting with their feet, as they did in Vietnam. . . and all of a sudden your military begins to unravel”.

Mr Wilkerson said former president George H.W. Bush “one of the finest presidents we have ever had” understood how to make foreign policy work. In contrast, he said, his son was “not versed in international relations and not too much interested in them either”.

“There's a vast difference between the way George H.W. Bush dealt with major challenges, some of the greatest challenges at the end of the 20th century, and effected positive results in my view, and the way we conduct diplomacy today.”

Nicole's Tips #1 : ALWAYS FLOUR THE PAN

This is a chocolate mousse torte I made a few days ago- It should be round and cake like. I didn't flour the pan. It said I should but me, being the rebel that I am, didn't think it was necessary. Well, that might not have been the only problem- I got everything together and THEN realized that I didn't have any eggs! After searching on the internet, I found some conversions and I tried 2 tbs of Baking Powder to 2 TBSP of water. It did turn out delicious and fudgy despite the appearance.
A quick shout out (like I'm pretending anyone knows about this blog or reads it) to a REALLY GOOD cooking site. I've learned and have been inspired by it. It belongs to my friend Kim so it's even better! http://www.walkernewyork.com/eats

Ithaca IS Gorges!

This last month was hectic- it has actually been exactly one month since Chad and I visited Ithaca, NY and Cornell University. We found Ithaca to be not only beautiful, but full of some of the kindest people we've ever met.
We ate at the Moosewood, a famous vegetarian restaurant that I would definitely recommend. We did the Carl Sagan Planetwalk- the Planetwalk is a scale model of the universe built in the center of Ithaca. Mostly, we drove around, checked out the grocery stores, etc (things that will be important if we are to move there- especially with Xander's special diet.) They call Ithaca "10 square miles surrounded by reality."- it was like heaven for us. We think Xander will love it there- the school's are excellent, and with it being so small it's easy to get around. Ithaca sits on Cayuga Lake, the largest of the Finger Lakes. We stopped at a few wineries, watched the sail boats in the Lake- it's really the kind of life we are looking for. The whole move still freaks me out a little- but mostly because of Xander and not wanting him to have a traumatic experience!
Colorado Springs is unorganized, hectic- too much traffic. We don't go to stores, etc, on the weekends too much with Xander because just going into one can be exhausting between driving, parking, and dealing with a lot of the jerks who live here. I know there are lots of nice people here, too- but unfortunately the Dobson/FOTF freaks are much more vocal and in your face. Ithaca is more liberal, and that is definitely a plus for us. In fact, there we will probably be seen as the moderates we are.
Little Update: When I posted this entry, Chad was looking at law schools. Since this time, he decided he didn't want to be a lawyer and is pursuing a graduate degree in Public Administration, so we are not moving anywhere for a few years. I would still love to move to Ithaca (or somewhere similar) someday.

Grandma's Obituary

Phyllis Jean Walker McLellan (click to see her obituary.) RIP

Balloon Classic Pictures

A few weeks ago we went to the Balloon Classic in Colorado Springs. This year, Xander just LOVED it. In past years he wasn't so aware, making this year even more special for us! Even on the mornings that we don't go down to the park we can see the launch from our kitchen Window.

Reality

I am so worried about people. Things are getting even worse now that there is so much violence.
There is an excellent story on Salon. Turns out, "In 2001, FEMA warned that a hurricane striking New Orleans was one of the three most likely disasters in the U.S. But the Bush administration cut New Orleans flood control funding by 44 percent to pay for the Iraq war."

http://www.salon.com/opinion/blumenthal/2005/08/31/disaster_preparation/
(you have to sit through an ad to see it, but big deal)

I always think about people with special needs at times like this. Xander's diet is so strict, he somewhat needs routine (although compared to many kids with ASD we are lucky that he likes trying new things)- after a few days of not being at home there would be trouble. I really feel for the poor and handicapped that were left behind. Unlocking Autism has set up a fund to go directly to families with ASD children in their time of need.
https://www.unlockingautism.org/ssl/shop/proddetail.asp?prod=GDRP_donation
(Like I'm pretending people read all this :)
Also, the American Red Cross needs help
http://store.yahoo.com/redcross-donate2/

We're running in negative numbers ourselves but we have more than so many others do right now. We have water, we have food, we have a roof over our heads and we have each other. So many people aren't that lucky.

I've also been thinking so much about what cities can do to evacuate- at this time they are unsure who left and who didn't, causing even MORE disorganization and confusion. It doesn't seem like things are going very well right now, I can only hope that these people get the help they need soon before there is more bloodshed.

Anyone need Zucchini???

Here is Xander with a 8 1/2 pound Zucchini I picked from the garden yesterday. I have lots more and am taking suggestions on what to do with it.
The zucchini seem to be the most successful part of my garden this year- not like that's very difficult. My tomato plants are HUGE and full of flowers- but no tomatoes yet. My parents in Northern Colorado are experiencing the same thing- and we have both noticed the lack of bee's this year.

Is the dark side of our Moon an alien satellite?

I have long been fascinated by the skys. The moon, being our only moon--- and by the way, isn't it kind of self important of the Earth to name our only moon "the Moon"- I guess it's really the same thing with our sun, too. It's not the only sun by far, but since we are the only important planet we call it "the Sun."
A few years ago, Xander and I were re-admitted into the hospital just a few days after returning home from his birth. He had a serious case of jaundice. As the nurses were checking Xander in, we became fascinated by a documentary about the moon landing...or lack thereof. The evidence against us landing on the moon was quite fascinating---- coding on rocks, the flag which seemed to be influenced by wind, strange shadows in photos, etc. The show was amazing- and we were entertained. We felt a little strange when the nurses walked in and we were hypnotized by this show.
http://www.ufos-aliens.co.uk/cosmicapollo.html Here is one link of evidence against the moon landing happening.
The thing I have never understood---- in 33 years we have not had another moon landing. Computers in the early 70's took up entire rooms. No one can argue that technology has far, far advanced since the days of the moon landings--- how is it that NOW we see landing on the moon as being a goal again? What has kept us away for over 30 years? Why have we sunk billions into an artificial space station when we have a natural satellite that would be a perfect "base."
Here is an article that came out a few years ago about Bush wanting the US to "return" to the moon.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A36960-2003Dec4.html
Why is this such a milestone if we've done it before? In the 60's and 70's!
I have come to believe a mixture of theories. I believe we DID go to the moon- at least once. I believe that some of the later missions to the moon were a hoax to keep up appearances AFTER we were threatened to leave by ..... aliens.
Here is an article about the subject. I don't know if any of this is true, but it would actually make the most sense.
*************
According to the NASA Astronaut Neil Armstrong the Aliens have a base on the Moon and told us in no uncertain terms to get off and stay off the Moon.
According to hitherto un-confirmed reports, both Neil Armstrong and Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin saw UFOs shortly after that historic landing on the Moon in Apollo 11 on 21 July 1969. I remember hearing one of the astronauts refer to a "light" in or on a crater during the television transmission, followed by a request from mission control for further information. Nothing more was heard.
According to a former NASA employee Otto Binder, unnamed radio hams with their own VHF receiving facilities that bypassed NASA's broadcasting outlets picked up the following exchange:
NASA: Whats there?Mission Control calling Apollo 11...
Apollo11: These "Babies" are huge, Sir! Enormous! OH MY GOD! You wouldn't believe it! I'm telling you there are other spacecraft out there, Lined up on the far side of the crater edge! They're on the Moon watching us!
A certain professor, who wished to remain anonymous, was engaged in a discussion with Neil Armstrong during a NASA symposium.
Professor: What REALLY happened out there with Apollo 11?
Armstrong: It was incredible, of course we had always known there was a possibility, the fact is, we were warned off!(by the Aliens). There was never any question then of a space station or a moon city.
Professor: How do you mean "warned off"?
Armstrong: I can't go into details, except to say that their ships were far superior to ours both in size and technology - Boy, were they big!...and menacing! No, there is no question of a space station.
Professor: But NASA had other missions after Apollo 11?
Armstrong: Naturally - NASA was committed at that time, and couldn't risk panic on Earth. But it really was a quick scoop and back again.
According to a Dr. Vladimir Azhazha:
"Neil Armstrong relayed the message to Mission Control that two large, mysterious objects were watching them after having landed near the moon module. But this message was never heard by the public -- because NASA censored it."
According to a Dr. Aleksandr Kasantsev, Buzz Aldrin took color movie film of the UFOs from inside the module, and continued filming them after he and Armstrong went outside.
Armstrong confirmed that the story was true but refused to go into further detail, beyond admitting that the CIA was behind the cover-up.
**********
Of course, there is a school of thought that doesn't believe that our moon is a natural satellite at all. http://www.aliendave.com/Moon.html

Next time, I'm going to talk about Phobos, a moon of Mars. Many believe that Phobos is a hollow, artificial base. I know this all sounds crazy, but it's more fascinating because we likely won't know the truth about these mysteries.....ever. Look it up if your interested in the meantime.
http://www.aliensurgeon.com/phobos.htm pictures of supposed artificial structures on Phobos.

My Career Goal stolen from "Say Anything"

" I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that. "

Mercury spill on GL Set

Look at the what happened when some Mercury spilled on the set of Guiding Light (the only soap I watch!) The amazing thing is that up until a few years ago, the government was purposely injecting mercury into children and claiming it would do no harm......

AP Story Posted on Fri, Aug. 19, 2005

'Guiding Light' cleared to resume tapingAssociated Press
NEW YORK - The soap opera "Guiding Light" was cleared to resume taping Friday after the cleanup of a mercury-contaminated set, officials said.
"There are no detectable levels of mercury in the air this morning," said Ian Michaels, a spokesman for the city's Department of Environmental Protection. "The `Guiding Light' people showed us paperwork consistent with proper disposal and the set has been reopened."
Taping at the show's 222 East 44th St. studio was interrupted Thursday morning just before a dramatic emergency-room scene when a set designer dropped a blood-pressure device that was being used as a prop and mercury spilled onto the floor. The DEP found elevated levels of mercury in the air and a 24-hour evacuation was ordered.
The crew and the actors, several of whom were dressed like doctors and nurses, were checked for contamination before being sent home.
Alan Locher, a spokesman for Procter & Gamble Productions Inc., which produces the soap, said taping would "pick up where we left off," with a scene in which Tammy pledges her devotion to Sandy despite her lust for her cousin Jonathan.